We Do Have Some Fun!

This morning it was 20 degrees in Highlands, and only three of us showed up for the Saturday morning run.  What a great opportunity for some fun!  I sent this e-mail after I had returned home, taken a hot shower, eaten some warm soup, and persuaded my fingers to work again:

Esteemed Local Runners:

I am afraid I have to bring to your attention a serious problem that has affected our running club recently.  I’m talking about attendance.  Yes, I know it’s winter, and some of you formerly lived in  Florida, Alabama, and other third World countries where you were accustomed to warm, tropical breezes rustling through the palm trees this time of year.  But now you are in Highlands and members of a running community that does not shrink from hardship.  In fact, we laugh at the cold . . . some of us, anyway.  We also laugh at the rain.  And we laugh at pain, which as we all know is weakness leaving the body.

What happened to all of you on Wednesday at 4:00 p.m.?  Rumors were that some runners ran earlier in the day because they were afraid that it might be too “windy” in the afternoon.  And what about Thursday at 4:00 p.m.?  Again, not a single runner showed up – I saw Morris in the grocery store earlier and he said that he and Skip had run earlier to avoid the chance of getting rained on.  (Isn’t this the same runner who patiently explains to Steve Hott and other rainophobes that he has “waterproof skin?”) 

So when I awoke this morning to bright, sunny, cheerful skies – a glorious day in Highlands, and one that makes a runner glad to be alive, especially if he is President for Life – I expected at least a dozen runners would already be gathered at the Town Hall at 9:00 a.m.  Much to my astonishment, there was nobody there except Carl Norman and Dixie Stewart.  We even waited the requisite five minutes, thinking that perhaps a power outage had occurred overnight and prevented alarm clocks from working, but nobody else showed up. 

What a disgrace!  As you know, Dixie Stewart has begun to run with us regularly this year, and it was embarrassing for Carl and I to attempt to explain the absence of so many famously awesome runners – runners who extol their hardiness and strength (some of them to such an extent that their heads have become too large for their bodies and are affecting their running form, I fear).  Where, for example, was the legendary “Morning Stud Group”(sic)?  Surely Paul has not waited until Saturday morning to begin preparing his sermon?  Doesn’t he know that Procrastination (if I remember correctly) is one of the Seven Deadly Sins?  And what about the “Every Day That Ends With a Y Group?”  Don’t “Saturday,” “Sunny,” “Breezy,” and “Chilly” – admittedly, these conditions were all present this morning – all end in “Y”?  I think the MSG and the EDTEWAYG need an additional description to attach as a suffix to their acronyms – “When it’s Mostly Pleasant Or Unusually Temperate,” OR “WIMPOUT.”

Between us, Dixie, Carl, and I ran 32 miles.  Here’s my watch at the end of my run, as I was basking in the warmth at the Town Hall parking lot, congratulating myself for being so awesome:

12.05 miles.  I’m already on my way to the Most Mileage Award, and it’s only January.  How will the rest of you ever catch up to me, Carl, and Dixie?

Now aren’t you ashamed at yourselves for not showing up to run this morning?

:Richard Betz, President and Chief Scold

Highlands Roadrunners Club